I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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