I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
