I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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