I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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