She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
