Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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