My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
