girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
