The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
