Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
