He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
