I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
