be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize