I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
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