Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
