You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
