I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
