we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
