dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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