Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
