her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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