He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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