hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
