Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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