I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
