I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
