I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
