Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
