I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
