i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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