so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
