My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
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