Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize