Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
