No stitches, just platelets and will power
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
