Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
