ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
