He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My feet surprised me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
