I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
