All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
