Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
