let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
