nut hugger
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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