I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
