Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
