people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
