new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
