Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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