My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
