He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
ttyl tear gas
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
