oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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