i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
