OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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