some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He's on the porch naked. Help.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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