I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
