It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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