No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize