I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
