Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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