you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
