We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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