i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize