can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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