please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize