ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
