Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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