Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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