Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
now i know why i became what i already was.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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